Jokes & Other Travesties

According to unofficial ­sources, a new simplified income-­tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you got left?
4. Send it in.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them ­collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The ­other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells.
“What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”